What does a graceful fat guy who put his name on some easy-listening LPs half a century ago have to do with the Iraqi election? Nothing; but all Sunday, I felt like this.

(Note: I first came across this tune in Woody Allen’s Hollywood Ending,” and just loved it. The brass gets a little cartoony with the raspberries, the strings lack that trademark hyper-echoey Gleason schmaltz that accurately captures the third-scotch melancholic recollection of a doomed romance. Highbrow it isn’t, but who cares. It's called "Too Close for Comfort." Which it wasn't, it seems.)

I’m just glad I’m stupid enough to be hopeful. I’m glad I’m naive enough to suspect Iraqis actually wanted to vote. I’m very glad I’m not so aslosh with solipsistic hatred that any success in Iraq makes me trot out a cynical riposte so the rest of my buddies on Olympus will nod in wry assent. I’m glad that a picture of a mother holding her daughter to cast the ballot reminds me that this is number two in a series. All other things aside – which is a difficult thing to posit, I know – I’m glad to be on the side of holding elections. In the end I’m glad to be glad. And now I will go skip through the daisies and sing happy songs about bunnies, because I am obviously a fool. What was the cover story of the Village Voice I saw in the library today? “Bush’s plan to destroy the world.” Destroy it some more, George.

Then again, things can’t be going that well, if New York artists have been mocking it with welcome mats. Next thing you know they’ll be weaving dish towels that show Iraqi women’s pay disparity increasing after the invasion, if you look very closely at the pattern. Or it could be just some figs.

When it comes to the big issues, I like to read Fark. Not because it’s a political website, but because it’s not, and hence the flamewars are slightly less idiotic and generally less informed. So you get the mood of a particularly demographic that, like me, spends too much time on the internet, but for entirely different reasons. I wouldn’t ascribe any of these comments to the thing that is Farkness, because some people decloak and fire photons, never to be heard from again. There are some genuine ravers, but you sense they’re taking a break from posting in the Democratic Underground’s 476th “Chimpy McBushitler Ate My Balls” thread of the day. The true essence of Fark’s glorious pointlessness is the inevitable 400”+ comments on a boobies thread, but that’s another story.

The first and second entries summed it all up. One:

I honestly don't know how anyone could be upset by this successful first vote.

Second entry:

I'm certainly glad the Iraqis got to vote.

But, I'm sorry, we were there to remove WMDs, NOT free a people under a dictatorship. There are LOTS of dictatorships out there, will we be freeing all of them now?

There’s really no reason to read any more, is there? But of course you do. Here’s a winner from the snarky ahistorical nilihist wing:

Yay, we're spreading our form of government to the dark people! Kinda reminds me of how the USSR wanted to spread Communism to free people of capitalist dictatorships.

Many people strive for that level of incoherence, but few achieve it with such conciseness.

Any old tired tropes? Check:

i'm pleasantly surprised so far at the turnout and only a little violence. good job. let's hope that whoever the iraqis elect will do the job well. (of course, i'm sure that all the candidates have been vetted and approved by the US, or will be before he takes power.)

but calling the elections 'a resounding success' at this point is very much like the 'Mission Accomplished' fiasco.

A heapin’ helping of plastic turkey for the gentleman!

Simpsons cliché? Check:

I, for one, welcome the new democratically elected Iraqi Overlords.

Reasonable words that ought to be easy for everyone to say yes, true:

I am so happy for those people. Been through hell since the 70's, now they get some freedom. All geopolitial analysis aside, you've gotta remember that.

Regardless of which side of the fence you sit on, you have to admit this is a landmark day for them and for the middle east.

Followed right away by this:

you know, this kinda reminds me of the election the Israeli's had in Lebanon when they invaded. It was "a resounding success" considering we were under military occupation. Thank god my party assasinated the president that the Israeli's...err Lebanese elected.

The author calls himself “SSNPTerrorist.”

The SSNP is the Syrian Socialist National Party.

Only in America.

And then someone posts the picture of a woman proudly holding up the purple finger with the expression that somehow says I, a person of humble birth, just gave the king a prostate exam.

And I kept my hand packed in ice alllll last night

I stopped reading. That picture said it all. She was glad and so was I. But that's easy for me to say; takes nothing. I'm lucky; I'm here. And I hope my vote never means as much as hers. Puts it in perspective, no?
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