Lard Can Man

Not just lard; bland lard. In the early 50s Swift held a contest to name their bland lard, which heretofore had been offered under the name Swift's Bland Lard. The winner got a trip around the world on a prop plane. Who won, I don't know, but the name is inspired: Swiftning Bland Lard. The "Swiftning" connotes a mercurial lightness, ameliorated by the blase, aristocratic implications of "bland," then brought down to the proletarian level with "Lard." Genius!

A Promethean spirit akin to Dr. Frankenstein, created the Bland Lard Man of these ads. A hideous affront to the sight of God, the Bland Lard Man has legs and arms but no head. He has no mouth, no respiration system, yet he can force air through a horn to produce basked goods.

And he can juggle.