If you were an alien race who was squat and blocky with tiny little legs, you would have been able to penetrate the bedrooms of middle America and learn their most intimate secrets.

I know these are hip and vintage and much-sought-after today because . . . they’re hip and vintage, but the proportions really are dreadful. They look like pigs from Minecraft. It’s the bar between the legs that ruins it; without that, they might look more like something on point, like a bank vault imitating a ballerina, but that bar just moves it into late-period-trending-towards-middle-60s-crap territory. So says me, anyway.