It’s fun to stay at the YMCA! But scary, too. Dress tough in the Dorcus line of Vynlite (tm) training leathers. Special care is taken at the armholes, where our tailors have perfected the art of cinching off your bloodflow, causing your arms to wither into vestigal appendages. Fashion-first hint: Put your hand in your pocket and leave it there; when it rots, it won’t fall off.

Worried that your collar is wider than you shoulders, and a draft of wind might pick you up and throw you into the air? Have no fear - all Dorcus Extra-Wide Collars are lined with lead sinkers.