Hey, kids! It's a desperate clown, his face begging for release from the grotesqueries of life. Do you see this face, kids? No? Of course you can't. You're listening to me. If you saw my face you would scream. This isn't paint anymore. This doesn't come off anymore. It's me and it will always be me, God have mercy on my soul.

Now I'm going to fart into the microphone and tell you it's the sound of air escaping a balloon. I'm a funny man!
   
  What could he possibly be laughing at? Go back and listen to the comics of 1966 - the ones they'd play on an airplane, anyway. With the exception of Cosby and Newhart, it's all Borsch-Belt schtick. Yes, yes, Phyllis Diller, a pioneer. Not funny. Paul Lynde: really not funny. He was funny, as we'd see on Hollywood Squares, but his stand-up routines are painful today.