Hello! What did I say yesteday? This:

Welcome to the first of two meaty, beaty, big and bleaty Hiatus weeks. Instead of just disappearing for a fortnight and hoping everyone will eventually gather in the latter part of July, I've decided to assemble in advance some peculiar content. Since this is a true hiatus - my annual period of just not doing anything at all with this site or the internet, like a juice cleanse - everything's been uploaded in advance, and you can either click through it all like a binging glutton or restrain yourself and visit daily. The comments are open, with a daily question, so there's another reason to return.

Did you visit yesterday? I hope not. Everyone needs a holiday and a day away from the internet. Anyway, there was a Bleat, but let us move forward for great justice. What do we have today?

Specific Housewife was much more lax. This sort of thing became impossible to do with a straight face once the kids who grew up in this culture became old enough to mock it.

Then again, some of it's eminently mockable. I mean. Really.

Who are they, Mummy? I'm frightened! Consumer goods have become sentient and are surrounding our house, and - Mummy, why do you have a sword? Is that your cake sword? No, it's a BUYING SWORD! Mummy, do you stab people at the grocery?

Asked to identify themselves, the goods that pour fourth from our numberless factories fracture the heavens with their deafening proclamation:

All humor has drained from their faces, you'll note. You'll also note that they have faces. There's a couple in the back that seemed pretty boiled; they might have stopped off at the bar and joined the march at the end.

Mother, who knew all along what she was dealing with, wisely lets them in:

They're clearly insane and obviously homicidal. Toothpaste is going to be the first to taste blood tonight, you know that.

And now, a word from Miss Chiclet Teeth of 1944:

We don't celebrate Nationally Advertised Brands Week anymore.

Because every week is Nationally Advertised Brand Week.

Well, there's nothing in the way of below-the-fold content here, because it's a hiatus. This being Tuesday, there would have been Product, so let's ask a Product-related question.

Did you have a favorite product mascot? I never really cottoned to the Cocoa Puffs bird; he was mad. The Sugar Snaps Bear was unnervingly cool, a reefer jazzman for the kids. I liked Captain Crunch; he seemed nice. Lucky the Leprechaun brought no feelings one way or the other, but it was my favorite cereal (still is; let's be honest) (really, I eat bran and granola, but love those Charms) so he got a pass. The Doughboy was too fargin' happy; the Green Giant was remote and terrifying.

I liked Zip the Mailman, because he was so different, and an electrical utility spokesman whose name escapes me at the moment. Rodney Keelobot, or something. And you?