It's been about 70 years since anyone complimented Alka-Seltzer on its taste. For that matter, it's been a long time since anyone complimented Alka-Seltzer on anything, except for being that stuff Mom made you drink when you had the stomach flu.

There's no such thing as stomach flu. It was food poisoning. It was the norovirus. If you had a headache, Mom never gave you Alka-Seltzer, because it had a specific application.

Alkaseltzerize was possibly a Syrian king; I'll have to do some research.