My child no longer participates in Toontown, an online consensual hallucination provided by Disney. I’m glad; it had promise, but seemed limited, the graphics were chunktastic, and your character had names like Merry Flippy Pantswhistle. What annoyed me most were the foes the toons had to battle for jellybean points – they were called Cogs, and they were all businessmen, various forms of capitalists in robot form. The Disney execs who signed off on the project must have a big bin outside the office where they could place their sense of irony before heading in to work.

The monthly mailings always had a Cog Card; this was the last one.

Robber Barons. “Crime Does Pay,” it says under his evil face. Crime, in this sense, being the act of converting Cheerful happy Toontown into grim office structures for the purposes of unbridled capitalism. Seriously. Kids have no idea what any of this means, but they know Robber Baron evil, because he’s a Cog. Cogs wear suits and work in boring buildings and report to CEOs and make money. (Just like Mom and Da! But evil, in some not-quite-sure-how way.) But how do you make the depths of his perfidy known to the target audience? Study his dislikes:

Yes, kids, he’s opposed to  capital gains taxes. He’s not opposed to an increase, but he’s opposed to the very thing itself. Hardcore. 

I doubt this is the work of devious crypto-Marxists devoted to bringing down Disney from within, but lazy younguns who grabbed a phrase from the big box in their heads labeled “Business Stuff” with the third “s” backwards for comic effect.  It’s comforting to believe they’re that careless, because the idea of Disney building a children’s game around villains who are opposed to capital gains taxes is too depressing to consider. It’s like Elmer Fudd cutting anti-gun spots. 

The Cog also likes monopolies, you’ll note. But not extensions on copyright to protect valuable properties! That’s for the good guys.