"I can't believe you said that. Don't look away and pretend you didn't. I can't believe you said that. This is a scientific instrument. Even if I wanted to give Africa an enema I couldn't."
As for the Clevite corporation, it's still around, but with a different name. Go here, watch the flash animation on the home page, and see if you can tell what the hell's going on.
(By the way, you can click on the certificate to get a larger version; just don't expect any fancy-schmancy navigation aids. Use your back button.)