The hotel’s website claims that guests “can feel, see, and smell the past come alive,” which is the most singularly unappealing promise a hotel’s ever given me. I do not want to smell the past come alive; it sounds like mummy-breath. But I would like to stay at the Alonzo, newly refurbished for the 21st century.

They carry the “past” theme a bit too far, though. A photo of a guest room is accompanied by this description:

"Your trip through time is not over yet.  It will continue through the night with the historic room which boost modern day comfort and convenience!  You will wake up well rested and ready to face history once again."

That’s boast. And if history is something I’m going to face, it makes it sound like the hotel has that “Shining” problem so common to old hostels from the 20s. It could just be bad writing – after all, the top of the page says “Try something out of the ordinary and experience a back in time.”

The site also says the hotel is located “In the Historical Downtown Aberdeen.” The historical what? Area? Neighborhood? Hellgate? What?