| When they were kids they would ask each other if they’d rather be deaf or blind. Everyone always went with deaf. What was the best part of going to the movies – hearing the cowboy shoot the gun, or watching the bad guy fall over? If you were deaf you could always say “I didn’t hear you, Mom” when she gave you the business for ignoring her calls. Being blind would be sad, and you’d have the cane and the black glasses so everyone knew you were blind. Deaf you could hide. Deaf had it positive advantages, when you thought about it. Still, it was a nice book. “WHO?” “Midwestern Match and Novelty,” Joe repeated. He put the Beltone matchbook down. The pharmacist was staring at his card as though he expected it to contradict Joe, and reveal him as the lying swindler he no doubt was. “I’ve come to talk to you about the advantages custom matches can bring your business.” “I HAVE MATCHES.” “I see.” “AND THEY’RE FREE.” “So they are. But with your own custom matches, you’ve an advertisement that goes with your customers. They need a prescription filled, or want to know if you stock a favorite notion – there’s your number, right on the back cover. No need to look through the phone book. Here – may I? Thanks.” He put his sample book on the counter and opened to the page of art he used for drug stores. “We could put a picture of a pharmacist on the back, so people know you sell more than aspirin and ointment.” He turned the page. "Like this one. It's quite popular."  “DOESN’T LOOK A THING LIKE ME.” “Well, it’s – no, it doesn’t, you’re right. But I’ll tell you this, Mr. Johnson. When the Rexall comes in down the block, and you know it will, they’re going to have their own matches, and they’ll have the color of the sign outside. If anyone has a drugstore matchbook in their pocket in this neighborhood, it’ll be orange and blue. If I may be blunt, all your matches say is buy a hearing aid.” WHAT ABOUT THE ORANGE AND BLUE? Those are the Rexall colors, orange and - COULD YOU MAKE MY MATCHES BLUE AND ORANGE? The boss hated color. Leave that market to the big boys. “Yes, sir. Yes I could.” The pharmacist hesitated. Got him. “Tell you what. I’ll design a custom match for you. Hand lettered. Blue and orange. Nice Rx on the back, very modern. You like it, you can buy an order. You don’t? No charge.” The pharmacist shrugged. “SURE.” They shook hands. Joe bought a comb on the way out – didn’t need one, but it always helped to throw a little money the customer’s way. Now, how to sell this to the boss? |
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this is a work of fiction c. 2005 j. lileks. / joe home / lileks.com home