Now that we’ve got you all het up with shirtless men and gagged women, can we channel your sexual confusion into a profession where you’re paid to cut flesh into small pieces?

PEOPLE MUST EAT! The ad reminds us, in case you’d forgotten in the last few hours. “TRAIN QUICKLY in 8 short weeks for a job with a bright and secure future in the vital meat business. Trained meat men are needed.”

That last phrase still haunts me. Trained meat men are needed. Particularly if they're trained in vital meats.