It’s almost as if no one knew how to belch in the old days. For heaven’s sake, man, just let it rip. Head outside, swallow a little air to prime the pump, and let fly a good heathy burp. Make your uvula flutter like a punching bag in a boxing gym.

We are still in the era of peculiar punctuation – the main headline needs a question mark the second sentence as well and are they still rationing commas. They’re also coy about the use of the product: “We do not advise you to pitch in and eat all you want then take an Alka-Seltzer.” Sound, practical advise. “You would be foolish to do that.” And you are not of course foolish are you. However: “If you have over-indulged, or know that you are about to,” well, the wise man plans ahead. 

If you’re seeing Rice Krispee elves hanging from your spoon, you have other problems.