GAAAH! It’s murder, waiting for the kidnappers to call. And every time the phone rings, you wonder why your husband hooked up that special Loudinating Enunciator – land’s sake, every time the phone rings you either get stabbed by those rays, or you have to pick them up off the rug. But this isn’t a problem when you drink Nervine; now you can stand with your back to the phone, and when it goes off suddenly – with those damnable bells, the bells, the horrible horrible BELLS – you will no longer feel the warm trickle of urine down the side of your leg, nor suffer the spastic constrictions of the bowels.

Nervine! Because you need to CALM THE #$*& DOWN, PEOPLE.