How to ruin Perfectly Good Wood in an afternoon: paint it! Take that nasty old maple or mahogany, and splash a trendy color allll over it! Let it soak deep into the grain! Thirty years from now, someone will take an entire week to undo your aesthetic errors, and they’ll curse you the most for this one.

This chapter also says: “Use the door as a gigantic backdrop for a bulletin board or artwork. Remove the knobs and cover the door with cork or fabric. Be sure to cover both sides.”

Now, that’s just mean. Having scraped cork off a few doors, I’m here to testify that it does not go quietly. And it’s generally useless after a few years - it expands, loses its corkiness, and can’t hold anything narrower than a railroad spike nail.