It’s a modern, clean, with-in home crematorium! Just put the body on the modular table, light a few high-tech Duraflame logs, and whoosh! Up the flues go the foes of you!

Well, probably not. But the tables are interestingly useless; it just ensures that things are going to roll into the cracks and force you to disassemble the entire thing just to get a pen, or a quarter.

General rule: be as hip and with-it as possible! Burn some incense! Strew mod pillows with calculated wantonness! Slap ugly overrated cubists on the wall - and put the Reader’s Digest condensed books up high where no one can see them, so no one will suspect you voted for Nixon. Twice.