O Ye Gods. Well. We soldier on. Here we have The Stuffed Beef-Burger Roll. Contains: cracker crumbs. Salt. And – wait for it – pepper! I don’t know which recipe line is my favorite: “Coat a rolling pin with crumbs,” “roll up jelly roll fashion,” “make first turn small and pull foil back as meat is rolled,” or “seal ends of roll by tucking in meat.” Is your meat well tucked in? Good.

Incidentally, it’s garnished with “sweet pickle stuffing,” which could be a Perry White curse. Great Caesar’s Ghost! Sweet Pickle Stuffing!

Below, “Shrimp and Peas on Muffins.” Description: “elegant enough for company serving, yet not too fussy for just the family.” Cheap sloppy bastards.