Archie vs. the Flying Tiger in the Purple Box Factory. Don't worry, Arch; the beast will cut itself on the jagged shards and expire of blood-loss soon. Of course, it'll maul the hell out of you before it does, and you'll be horribly disfigured, but that'll be a great opportunity to see which of your Best Gals loves you for your personality, not your russet-hued, waffle-iron-patterned hair and all-American spirit. My money's on Betty.

Note the top: every issue seems to show Jughead running away from what's-her-name, Jugeena or something, because she wants some sort of amorous experience. At least that's what I recall. Pretty cruel of the Jugman. She's just waving hello.

Ten hyears later, she still cries herself to sleep every night. Even though Jughead ended up dead from meth in a ditch in '92.