Dum-dum da da, and the camera pans the audience of 1973.

One child of the Depression. And another:

Contestants included one of the lesser Judds. She could wear that hair today:

It’s possible she could have chosen a style that made her face look wider, but it’s also possible the sky could darken with aerodynamic pigs:

Catherine reminds us of the tight synthetic sweater-vest over the long-sleeved polyester shirt designed by Dow to trap and intensify BO. We had driven that from our minds, entirely:

One of the contestants faced a timeless choice:

A BACONER? There was such a thing? There was, and it was made by Hamilton Beach:

A toaster that made bacon, in other words. Why are these not available for a reasonable price in an attractive design today? Why must I dizzy my bacon in the microwave for seven minutes, when BACONER technology was clearly available 30 years ago?

Audience shots included an aging hot-rod enthusiast, or a member of a goat-worshipping cult:

Is there a car? There’s always a car. HOLY JOSEPH that’s a lot of hood:

Janice handled the straight-ahead pretty-person poses, without acting. She didn’t have to move; just being Janice was sufficient:

Anitra, on the other hand, worked it:

The grand prize:

I wanted one of those so much when I was a kid; it seemed like the ultimate in travel adventure. I even sent away for KOA brochures, planning imaginary trips around the country. The inside:

All that stuff in a house you pulled with your car was just too neat. I was also fascinated by motels – Holiday Inn and HoJo in particular – and eventually I realized my Dad was cool to the idea of hauling around a trailer. My mother probably thought that a vacation might be something that did not involve another house to clean. But I had a friend whose family camped – they were also the ones who did woodburning and HeathKits and other craft-y stuff, so somehow it fit. We camped out in the driveway a few times. It was heaven.

Finally, America seems to have completely run out of these guys.