Wonder what this one's about:

 

It's about being disappointed you're not watching the British version, is what it's about. They turned it into a vehicle for Barbara Stanwyck and Clifton Webb - two fine actors with nice roles, although Webb stands apart for being his usual chilly bastard self. If you're a Stanwyck fan you'll like it, but if you're a Titanic fan it will seem like a missed opportunity. But all your old doomed friends are here - that's Lightholler on the left, Captain Smith in his regulation Captain Smith Beard on the right:

 

 

Marilyn Monroe would look like Captain Smith if you gave him those whiskers and put him on the ship. Anyone looks like Captain Smith.

Apparently the bridge employed only Braille-reading seaman:

 

 

The effects are good . .

 

 

And the sets substantial:

 

 

But it all feels like a backdrop to the Stanwyck story - maybe because it is. Nevertheless, there are The Obligatory Titanic Moments, like the Stations of the Cross - Smith goes to the wireless shack to talk to Sparks, where it's listomania in progress:

 

 

Seems a lot like "A Night to Remember," doesn't it? Except in a bathtub:

 

 

Annnnd down she goes . . .

 

 

And morning breaks on a matte shot.