Sigh. After last week’s chipper lightweight Ray Milland Bulldog, we’re back to other guy, the one who Lazenbied the role in his initial outing. Previously he had Escaped, or exacted Revenge; what’s on the agenda this week?


You expect Glistening Natives with shields, alternately shouting and cowering. Don’t worry – they didn’t have the budget for Actual Africa, and had to settle on Morocco, which looked like Spain, which meant they could use the one set on the backlot with a tiled roof.

I love thirties design, but look at the background of this title card: it’s like a 1939 World’s Fair exhibition of the mutating Andromeda Strain:



Our old friends are all here, including the butler. Hoping to get something from Bulldog besides a “well done, my good man” or a “cheerio, that’ll be all” he shows up without pants, desperately hoping Drummy notices him. Please, sir. I love you. I beg you, do not make me beg. Oh. I've gone and contradicted mtself again, haven't I.



Later, Bulldog heads to the countryside to stop a plane from taking off, and it seems that pantlessness is indeed the order of the day. Why, he puts the tart in tartan:



If you’re wondering about the plot, well, a sophisticated spy whose worldly, epicine European ways make him immediately suspicious to the red-bloody members of the audience, has kidnapped Drummond’s Scotland Yard friend for reasons I can’t be arsed to untangle; had something to do with Secret Plans for a bomber. This means Bulldog must cancel his wedding, of course. This makes the second time in the series he’s found a reason not to commit to normative heterosexuality. His fiancée, again, is lovely Miss Clavering, shown here with a phone carved from a gorilla shinbone:



Here are the bad guys. Recognize the one in the middle?



Well, surely his distinctive voice and accent will give him away.



Obligatory rear-projection shot of the butler having a stroke while they drive somewhere? Check!



Hey, but how do we know they’re in Africa? Could be anywhere.



Oh, well, a lion. That seals it.

In the end, the Scotland Yard guy is saved, all the bad guys are shot and crumple with a groan, and Bulldog carries off Miss Claveringly to their matrimonial chamber, where he drops all pretense. And also his pants:


Just kidding. They’re still not married. Will they marry next week? I have no idea: three movies down, three Bulldogs to go – and 94 more bad movies to come. We’re countin’ down the bottom 100! Why? Because this is the internet, that’s why.