New test: sitting outside in the back, with the dog.

I have his leash around my arm, of course, which means that if someone comes by and Birch gets that instinctive need to leap and engage, it will take off my arm and dump the computer on the ground. I’m hoping not, since we had another milestone breakthrough today. I left again for an hour and a half!

And did he bark, you ask?

I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T CARE

No one hears him. I’m sorry he feels alone but I have to get out and live. I went to the bank, like an old man, and then to the gym like a less-old man and hoisted heavy objects. I ran until I could see I’d spent two cookies worth of calories.

What with three social engagements this week, and a new sense of freedom, this is shaping up to be the Best Fred Week Ever. At which point the depressed personality might say “well that’s the cue for something bad to happen” but I don’t believe in that sort of thing.

The odd thing - and anyone who’s been in my position will understand - is a slight unwillingness to let go of the dark cloud, because it’s been your companion for so long. Today I got an email notice from Her and I got that queasy dread - if it’s bad, it’s bad, and if it’s good, it’s bad. Do not want, as we said on the internet 21 years ago.

It was a query about the Tennis Channel automatically renewing and what she should do about that.

Whew

I used to hear the phrase “well, figure it out” now and then, and was tempted to return it, but I just pointed her to the CANCEL button at the bottom of the email. Turns out it’s on my card, so, complications. Le sigh as I never said on the internet 23 years ago. But I just looked at their website and there’s a 24-hour period wherein one can cancel and get a refund, so I hopped on that, sending time-stamped emails to prove my point. Aren’t I Johnny-on-the-Job.

Ah, the lights just popped on.

Eleven days ago I secured arrangement with Public Storage, whereby I would move for my 10 x 5‘ unit 5 x 5‘ unit. I avoided the pointless $29 service charge by extending my contract. The person who helped me was thorough and efficient, and everything was fine.

It was not.

Two or three days later, I got a call from the same person asking if I wanted to complete my interest in the 5 x 5 unit. Whereupon I informed her that not only had I secured said unit, but she had been the one to help me do it. She was surprised, flustered, pretended to remember, and that was that.

That was not that.

Two days later, I got a email from Public Storage asking me how I would rate my move out experience.

Since I had not moved out, I was curious what they meant.

I called the company; I got the local office, I got a voicemail, I told them my situation and my questions, and waited. No one called me back. If I’ve learned anything that gets Public Storage’s attent, it’s leaving anything other than a glowing review. Every time you visit Public Storage, you get an email asking you to rate your last trip. Usually I am bored and annoyed with constant requests for surveys and evaluations, but it has been my experience that if you issue a complaint to PS, you get a phone call within 24 hours, asking what they can do to compensate. And that’s great! So, I left a note in my review about how I was confused why I got this email about my moveout experience when I had not moved out.

Well.

Today while walking the dog, I got a call from Public Storage, saying that the records were showing that my unit had been vacated.

If there’s one word you do not hear it when talking to the people who run the storage facility in which the entirety of your life‘s memorabilia is stored, it is the term “vacated.”

I was somewhat alarmed and asked them what they were talking about, since the specifics of my contract meant that I was leaving at the end of the month to go into the new one. She went on to explain, the unit into which I had moved or was supposed to move, had been vacated. I said again: that’s great, since I intend to move into it. But she could not understand that I did not understand what Public Storage means when they say “vacated.“ It is an industry term or a company-specific term that means . . . I don’t know, the previous arrangement was nullified, or something like that. We have vacated your agreement. It’s confusingly close to the actual process of getting your stuff out a storage unit, so you can imagine why people are a bit upset.

I wanted to know what they had done with my stuff. They said that I hadn’t done anything with it that it was still there, but that the other unit had been vacated. Around we went, until they put it in plain English: somehow, they had rented the unit that I was supposed to go into to somebody else.

Now for the good news: there was another unit 5 x 5 in a facility that was only 4 miles away! At this point, I stopped the person from talking any further and said I am standing on my balcony and I literally can see the storage unit where I am now. It’s right down the street. I am not going to pick up everything from my unit, put it in my car and make 10 trips to another place because you gave my unit to somebody else. Here is what’s going to happen: I’m goung stay where I am, and you’re going to drop my rent to the 5 x 5 rate.

At the end of it all, that’s exactly what happened. They said that I could stay where I was and pay the reduced rate. I suppose it helped that I made it quite clear there was no other option that would be acceptable. I am firm in these things, civil, but absolutely implacable. And nine out of 10 times? It works.

She called back later and said that they found a 5 x 5 which had some abandoned property in it, specifically a sofa, and if they could get it out, then I could get in by the first. Hurrah. So my Friday afternoon will consist of slapping stuff from one place to the other, and I will be happier in the smaller unit, knowing that I have condensed my life down to the absolute minimum for storage.

Total savings: $37 a month. Whoo hoo! Steak for dinner tomorrow!

It’s 1959.

So the whole Roswell thing was real then

The text:

Aliens are not Eligible for old age assistance now, so local communities are forced to carry them on direct relief, with the entire cost born locally. The compromise announced today would recognize such aliens as "legal residents" of the state. This will make them eligible for old age aid, with the federal government paying half the expense.

This seems like an important precedent.

Someone in composing screwed up, bigly.

		Unspoken are the words that should be at the top, “Officials and Citizens,” and now it sounds like there’s a Fear Firebug going around. Which sounds like a good idea for a horror story.

Another interesting headline style and choice of words:

		And another. The headline omits the info provided in the subhead. Well, made you look. Clickbait in an early form.

I didn't save the image, it seems, but the next one was supposed to say this:

The entire page is devoted to quotidian dispatches from Penacook. It’s a village located within the city of Concord. Wiki:

Penacook, originally called "Fisherville", is a village within the city of Concord in Merrimack County, New Hampshire, United States. It lies along Concord's northern border with Boscawen. The name comes from the Pennacook tribe that lived in the area. "Penacook" (Pennycook) was the original name of the plantation incorporated by present-day Concord.

So one town grew larger and encompassed the other, but didn’t annex it?

A city surrounded entirely by another - I wonder how common that is.

We usually don’t do ads - unless there’s a surfeit of anything interesting - but this is one of many ads touting Concord Days. What better way to show your civic spirit than purchasing a GE Black Beauty?

Never heard of them, never seen one, news to me:

This site says:

Salsbury was an American scooter company that began production in 1936. Salsbury was founded by Foster Salsbury, and created the first commercially successful motor scooter, the Motor Glide. Later models included the Aero and Model 85 Imperial Rocket. After a period of strong success, Salsbury entered problems, eventually becoming defunct in 1948.

A fact not mentioned in this 1949 ad.

That will do. Substack Miscellany today, for paying customers. I thank you for your patronage and indulgence.