I was in Uptown last week to take some photos, and was surprised to see that my old notions of the place as a commercial desert were outdated. Even a desert has an oasis. The place is a commercial moonscape now.

When I lived in Uptown, there wasn’t an empty storefront. Furniture stores, drug store, bookstores (two, one used, one new), a great dive bar, a singles fern bar, upscale restaurants, hamburger shops, a record store, comic book store (but high class! Graphic novels) and so on. I bought a dog one day when I saw him in the window of the pet store.

Well: The old Rainbow Cafe, which was Chino Latino for a long time. The facade was covered with sequins that shimmered when the wind blew.

I think this used to be part of Elements, a pre-Ikea furniture store:

The rusty stuff was recently installed, by the way. Could be art.

The rest of the block.

For decades the building below had a modest commercial building. Housed a men's cool clothing store when I lived there, and the Port Arthur Cafe, which had a great Vitroline facade. It was demolished in favor of this new building, which housed a Gap. This failed. Then Victoria's Secret, I think. This failed.

They changed the character of the district by bringing in big chains. You know, the stuff you can get at the mall.

Stella's Fish Cafe, with a great rooftop deck. Closed. It had also been a dental college.

The oddest thing: block after block of new apartments. There's lots of people here. Every store front should be filled.

Many years ago they built a mall, and unlike most urban malls it thrived. It had lots of cool shops, restaurants, places to do banking or insurance. Shall we take a stroll?

What killed it? COVID, the riots of 2020, and then an uptick in crime as the police withdraw and declined to enforce minor crime and disturbances.When Daughter worked at Target people would just walz in and steal stuff, all the time, every day. (Sorry, forgot a T.) The Target closed a year later.

The mayor insists it’s going to come back soon. Really. Really!

REALLY!

We will be looking at some other, nicer places later this week. There are neighborhoods in Minneapolis with much more commercial activity, and just a few blocks from Uptown the Lyn-Lake intersection is doing a bit better. But it all ought to be packed.

Somehow it was packed before they extended the sidewalk to build a dedicated bike lane. I'm pretty sure people rode bikes in the 80s and 90s.

And now, our Monday Above-the-Fold Feature:

The trademarks of a 100 years ago is our theme this year.

"This is not a particularly subtle perfume. How do we get that across in the trademark?"

Interesting to see how it comes under the classification of "Chemicals, medicines, and pharmaceuticals."

The shocking sequel to Moderately Perilous:

Could it be . . . a Woman?

NOPE

Our heroine:

She’s been enlisted on a secret mission that has something to do with bugs and germ warfare, and has to go to . . .

Grenze! Which does not exist. It is a land of Exotic Headgear, like this hat which doubles nicely as a flowerpot sweater:

In the train car with our heroine, a slovenly fellow who’s probably not up to any good:

Marius Goring. Trivia:

The large signet ring that Commandant Razinski wears on his right hand little finger was one of Marius Goring's own. He wears it again many times in The Adventures of the Scarlet Pimpernel (1955) as Sir Percy Blakeney and in The Old Men at The Zoo (1983) as Emile Englander.

Anyway. It’s a bit ridiculous, but the lead review on imdb nails it: “easy-going nonsense.” The main bad guy, the aforementioned slovenly fellow, has that menacing civility of the commie commissars.

More trivia:

At about 1:16, as Clark/Lockwood are about to emerge from the woods, they have a short dialogue re the insects and why/how/etc. Immediately after Clark says,"They're just insects," he rises from a squatting position and what sounds like a mellifluous bit of flatulence can be noted.

LOL, as they say.

The Diner! Forgot it last week, but since you subscribe, well, you caught it. Right?

That will do. Matchbooks and a free column at the Substack. Or you can get five a week for $5 a month. Why wouldn't you?