Absolutely nothing to report! Did nothing. Filed two columns I wrote yesterday. Waited for Wife to get home with her Mother; they’d gone north to a funeral. A day spent on idle details, the nature of which I will forget in a week, and, having forgotten it, will be lost for all time - unless, of course, every millisecond is frozen somehow had extends behind us in an infinite parade of minor motion and meaningless action, a single blink of an eye taking an agonizing number of frames to complete. Don’t think about it! The quantity of data generated by every second is overwhelming to contemplate.

No, I didn’t bring back edibles from Colorado. Just babbling to avoid getting to work. I have another column to do now, and I haven’t an idea. I have three, but not one. That’s always the worst case scenario.

It had been a long time since I'd been on a plane, but the traditions endure. A sandwich and an episode of Perry Mason. Why? Because it's less than an hour, and guarantees a story with an unexpected conclusion.

It's the archetypes that amuse and intrigue. I'm sure it's just me, but everyone who's an archetype on Perry Mason seems to be the most perfect embodiment of the archetype possible.

Here's a corporate board  room, with the usual Larry-Tate-as-Captain-Kangaroo guy, and the middle-management man working on his ulcer:

The skunk-wave was known to be an affectation, by the way. They sprayed it on.

Certainly works here.

She's the assistant for a man who took over a chain of staid magazines. He's going to sex 'em up:

And who is this cruel, cynical panderer?

Oh, he's an absolute bastard. Naturally:

I have to note: Jury System Denounced?

It's The Case of the Envious Editor, and it's quite good. Also watched The Case of the Hated Hero, an odd ep that spends a lot of time on Lt. Tragg's upcoming replacement. (Ray Collins was old and ill.) More archetypes here.

Barking tough cop:

Ordinary guy who seems as if he's in every 60s sitcom - handyman, store clerk - and Disney movie ever:

The Junior VP who's been gunning for the top slot for ten years, and has lost his patience, and knows his facade of position and propriety is a thin sham:

Weak, unattractive man who harbors a bottomless well of resentment and hatred:

And then there's a guy who'll make you sigh with relief, in case you were wondering when we were going to have a Star Trek actor.

Finally, this: Perry when the acid starts to kick in:

It’s 1926.

Science has finally conquered cold and catarrh! Really! Honest, it has!

Well no it hasn’t, and you know this stuff didn’t stop your cold in 24 hours the last time, but you’ll buy it again anyway because everyone wants to believe there’s something they can do.

Also, prevents la grippe. Note: does not prevent la grippe

What should I use to groom my hair?

How about . . . Hair Groom?

The best part? The thing that sets this product apart? It’s not smelly.

Some women don’t like smelly hair. Slick shiny hair, sure, but if it’s smelly? Wooing will be more difficult.

The Leader absorbs the Honor:

A long-gone name in retail. Leader, I mean. No one remembers the Honor.

They spent $80,000 to get the stock, and the paper reported that “the Honor Stores handled complete lines of furnishings, except shoes.”

I wonder why. Maybe shoes were just too competitive. Everyone else had shoes.

The old man hit the roof when he saw the ad. Fired everyone in promotions. I mean, everyone.

It’s odd: I’ve pored through the Minneapolis papers of the 20s for 24 years, and I don’t remember seeing this name before. I’m sure I did. It just didn’t didn’t stick.

Anyway, here it is, with their GREAT APRON SALE!  The illustration doesn’t really capture the excitement and magic.

Your backache is probably a result of the winter chill effect on your kidneys. Everyone knows that.

They gave names and addresses. I wonder if anyone ever dropped ‘round to chat about Doan’s, and if the person who answered the door was irritated by the imposition. Well if you didn’t want anyone to ask, why’d you put your name on the ad?

Phones require a phalanx of folks to make them work . . .

. . . and when was the last time you thanked the bookkeepers?

There you go. As noted, comments solution on Friday, if all goes well.