The dog bounced back, as I knew he would. A day of fludgetz, and then he’s fine. Hungry. Ravenous, in fact. Full of, well, animal spirits. Walked him around the block this morning, and all I had to do was lock my feet and let him drag me on the icy sidewalks. Now and then I had to get up on the crunchy snow on the lawns to avoid being arse-over-teakettled when he yanked ahead and I was standing on a silicone-coated glacier.

(Music swells) It’s the most miserable time of the year!

There is no dusting the fact with confectioner’s powder. It’s still dark, it’s cold, it’s bleak, and there is absolutely no chance of it being anything else for a very long time. We are used to it, but that makes it worse. It is now the absolute normal for the night to start at 6 and the sidewalks to be lethal and the snow to be hard and sharp. I feel as if it’s been this way forever and I spent half of last month in the tropics, for God’s sake.

So the dog walk is something of a trial for the soul, even if it’s sunny. To be honest, it’s worst when it’s bright. I realized the other day I’m not one of those people who gets downhearted by long stretches of grey. They seem apt. The bright sunny winter days have their own sort of cruelty. Oh hi it’s me the Sun I could make you warmer but I guess your axis had to tilt so IDK. Sorry sux to be U

To improve my mood I went to the grocery store. Obviously I was bent on self-sabotage, because I went to Cub. I exist in a state of perpetual disappointment when I go to Cub, because it’s so damned stubborn. NO WE WILL NOT IMPROVE THIS STORE. GO HELL YOURSELF YOU DOUBLE DUMB-BUTT. I mean, this is a vista from 1977.


I just want to grab the company’s CEO by the lapels and shout why are you so content to suck so much, which might come as a surprise to him

Why, we’ve instituted upgrades throughout the stores, with bright new signage, and a redesign of our private label, and you have to like those yellow stickers that show a price has been permanently lowered -

Oh you mean the stickers that are indistinguishable from the temporarily lower prices. Those stickers.

Well, there’s a red arrow -

I’m taking about the junky jumble of everything, the blaring lights, the warehouse mood, the lousy design on the Everyday house brand, the carts with their palsied wheels, the sad meat, the lousy bread, the way the misting machines seem like they’re disinfecting instead of hydrating. It’s all so sad. For the LOVE OF GOD DROP THE CEILING. The 70s are OVER. No one thinks the prices are good because the CEILING IS HIGH AND IT’S LIKE WE’RE LOOTING A WAREHOUSE.

Then I drove home listening to the BBC worry about Brazil because Bolsonaro was making promises to keep Marxism from ruining the country. I don’t think he’s particularly . . . deep. Or accomplished. An illiberal strongman lite. But bully for the anti-Marxist remarks. Unless someone wants to make the case that Brazil would benefit from full-on application of Communism. I got home for the BBC found someone to issue a context-free handwringing about rhetorical defamation of collectivism. Reminded me to check Daughter’s Instagram; there was a lovely picture of her on the beach, in Bolsonaro land, glowing. Showed it to Wife. We awwwwed. And were sad. And happy. Birch the dog was sitting on the floor, watching us, wondering if there would be food; he farted, gently.

Looking back, it was a fine day. I’m glad it happened.

This one - well, I had no idea.

I don't get over to this part of downtown very often. I knew they'd knocked down an old undistinguished structure for a residential tower, but I hadn't even seen the put. Then I turn the corner hte other day, and hello:

It was somewhat controversial. Do you see the small brick building on the right? It's Historic.

The Handicraft Guild was an organization central to Arts and Crafts movement active in Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States, from 1904 to 1918. The Handicraft guild was founded, led, and staffed primarily by women, making it historically significant to women's art movements nationwide.

In addition to creating stone and metal art works, the Guild was an egalitarian school with the mission "[to] give authoritative instruction in design and its solution in terms of materials; also to furnish complete training for students desirous of becoming Craftsmen, Designers and Teachers." Its pupils included Grant Wood.

The building next to it, not so historic - but from the same period, more or less. And hence it was lamented.

Its replacement is exactly what you'd expect in downtown apartment building design these days.

In 2019 we're doing the proper Lance, not Mumps Lance. Most of these haven't been used here, but if there are a few repeats, I think you'll forgive me. If not, I'll have Tiny work you over in the kidneys with a phone book.

Lots of tears and despair between panels 3 & 4, I think. Solution is here.



Last year I gave you a few cues from a mediocre show called "High Adventure." It was a combination of Escape and The Chase and all the other manly shows, and its promising start was soon eclipsed by rather ordinary scripts. It was revived a few years later with George Sanders narrating - and you can only imagine the way his stomach tightened when he read the scripts.

Here are some excerpts of his interstitial commentary, with some music cues. It's like someone's idea of what a George Sanders-type would say. it's all the more dispiriting when you consider his eventual end.







The first two are basic music themes. The third, however, is quite the cliche. In all exotic cities in foreign lands, there must be a cafe run by a large man in a white suit who speaks in an inordinately ornate style. It's called the Greenstreet Syndrome. This is quite possibly one of the worst.

Then the closing theme, which is also C-grade. Quite a showing all around, everyone.


2019 returns to the bins, and the records dumped back into the world when someone dies and the kids give the contents of Mom and Dad's entertainment system to the Goodwill.

Wikipedia: Frankie Carle ( March 25, 1903 – March 7, 2001) was an American pianist and bandleader. As a very popular bandleader in the 1940s and 1950s, Carle was nicknamed "The Wizard of the Keyboard". "Sunrise Serenade" was Carle's best-known composition, rising to No. 1 in the US in 1938 and selling more than one million copies."

1938! He died in 2001.


This was one of three albums he released in '64.

Call me ancient, but I like this stuff.





Why not enjoy a 1969 ad from South Africa? A different place - and it sounds quite familiar.

For 2019, a huge addition to the Gallery of Regrettable Food. Long requested, long planned. The Recipe Cards of the 1970s. Swallow hard and begin. See you Monday!




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