Friday already, eh. I’m taking a break from writing the column. When I’m done I might watch another ep of this French cop show - a big-city policeman left the force after some traumatic incident, goes back to his home town in Brussels, joins the constabulary, and is instantly pitched into a suicide investigation that - GET THIS - isn't what it seems, and may be connected to powerful, manipulative economic forces.

I know, I know. It’s a good thing he has a green-but-determined young cop to help, and a spunky local who Defies Convention to help him. Just ONCE I would like to see a cop show where someone’s found dead in a board room, and the policeman thinks “he may have a flash drive in his hand with spreadsheets of the company’s attempts to buy up local property in advance of a road coming through, but dammit I think this is a domestic argument gone sour.”

It takes him nine episodes, but eventually he arrests the wife.

I have watched a few Euro cop shows, and noticed something: they all have a rural component. They always have a farmer or two. The farmers come in two flavors: old, flinty, simple, half-daft - they’re always bachelors or widowers - and a nearby married couple who are sullen and private and unpleasant. That’s it. The countryside is regarded as a curious place where things are just different, because there’s mud. Hard to know what to make of people who have to deal with so much mud.

Anyway: good day; the week has ended well. But while bouncing around the web at lunch (pastrami on rye, brown mustard) I discovered another den of liars in need of exposing. Thing is, I don’t know if they're as stupid as they sound.

You be the judge. When aren’t you?

I click so you don’t have to. That’s the idea. I tell you what the lies are, so you can scoff and sneer at the crap they offer with the knowledge that they’re shoddy, useless trip.


There aren't any pictures of the sinking. The title of the link: 20 Real Pictures Of The Titanic Disaster Guaranteed To Give You Chills

See how they changed the terms? This dreckhole is mydailyviral. Castigate it with enthusiasm.

Elsewhere in Titanic news:


Apparently it was sunk by AquaJoker.

One of the things they’ve kept from us all these years:


While the sinking of the Titanic was a tragedy, the loss of life was what makes it such a memorable moment in our history. The sad truth is that there should have been fewer deaths by a pretty wide margin. The Titanic was equipped to carry 64 lifeboats but only carried 20.

This is a "secret" like, oh, I don't know, the existence of the Titanic is a secret. The site is Actively; it’s crap. Add it to your list.


Oh, man. No. Not this again. It's from "Worldwide Travel Magazine," which is garbage. Let's see what the text says:


Luckily for modern society, we’ve grown and continue to evolve. We’ve got the most mind-blowing vintage advertisements right here. You won’t believe what advertising use to get away with!

Fake cola-for-babies ad? Check! Usual fake Burned-the-beer Schlitz ad? Check! But it's the text that sets this one apart. Let's begin.

Golly, So Racist!

Why is it a common assumption that one specific race speaks a certain way? Oh, and another thing – why are the waiters in this vintage ad strictly African-American? The most disturbing part of this advertisement is the way the waiters’ mouths are illustrated; it’s not funny or accurate, and doesn’t even make any sense, in our opinion.

Here's the ad:

The most disturbing part of this advertisement is the way the waiters’ mouths are illustrated

This makes me suspect the author is having us on, and doesn't know this is blackface. But is there a reason for this? Yes: It's on the life preserver. Wikipedia: "Maxwell House Show Boat was the top radio show in the United States from 1933 to 1935. The program was sponsored by Maxwell House coffee, and it aired on NBC Radio Thursday nights, 9 pm."

Miss Maria was probably a regular, as were the two guys serving coffee. Blackface is still offensive, and this is an ad you couldn't do today, but the description doesn't bother to inform - it just hectors from the author's prissy perch.

Still think it might be intentional, though. Next:


There’s no helping someone this stupid:

One of the most aggravating elements of this vintage ad is the statistic that reads just how many men say women are irritating; apparently, it’s 20,679. Not only are women “irritating,” but they need to be in the kitchen preparing a meal for the man while he enjoys the new, up to speed remote control.

It's a fake, of course - and the amusing thing is that it's a cigarette ad, which would be an easier target that wouldn't open up the author to accusations that she's a credulous idiot.

Which is not exactly a groundless charge:

She says the ad is from the 40s, revealing a lack of knowledge of fonts AND fashion. She can’t be this stupid. She just can’t be.

For once, we see a vintage advertisement that objectifies men! Except, their promoting their manhood which probably didn’t offend much of the 1940’s male population. We have to ask, though. What exactly is a snack sack? A place to keep the fresh ingredients your wife will need to prepare your next meal? Get out of here.

I think she is.


She writes, of a WORTH 1000 contest entry:

Oh, look! It’s a vintage ad that finally admits just how useful women actually are! This is a genuine surprise, isn’t it? During World War ll, ads depicted the pseudo-value of an American woman and what she contributed to the war. Too bad all the ladies got were backhanded, condescending compliments instead of the sincere, real deal.

How can anyone look at that ad and not see it's a parody? The fonts, the useless white space. Oh, and the fine print: "Department of Repression, Oppression and Chauvinism."

It's a joke, then. It's a parody of what the perpetually-offended would say. Right? Right?

Sure. That's real ad copy.

This Hardee’s ad had no reason to oppress the female population. The quote reads “Women don’t leave the kitchen!” followed by a completely irrelevant explanation of why. To appeal to the bachelor, unmarried man demographic, Hardee’s did not have to implicate women at the same time.

I would pay ten dollars American cash money to be assured this is all a joke.


It's going to go fast now. Or maybe not - it's a block-long building.


Here's how it looks on the other end of the block. Like the building in the foreground, the podium will be a parking ramp, with a screen. Not great for the street, but you have to put it somewhere, or no one will move in. Putting it all underground is costly.

KA's hotel / apartment wing is more than halfway up, and the hotel has its prefab brick facade:

I'm pretty sure it's prefab. They have sheets of real brick, which are attached to the wall. I don't know how else to put it, other than "the wall is attached to the wall."




As noted, I'm going through the entire Gildersleeve series this year - and there's a lot. We're still in the early days, when the show had found its footing.



As John Dunning's Encyclopedia of Old Radio says, "it had the sound of a happy show."

Indeed it did.


  Here's a wordy commercial message for Kraft, with a surprisingly boistrous stinger.



The cuts sound quite different when they add a piano.




As I've noted before: Peary sang his lines.

Music for walking around the house.




AD: From 1948, a boring ad for One A Day, with a very labored tagline.




When you think of Spring, you think of Charlie Chaplin. Right?


He "wrote" that song, although I suspect he pecked it out on a piano and left the complicated stuff up to others.

As for the artist:

Martin Gold (December 26, 1915 – January 14, 2011) was a composer, pianist, and bandleader born in New York City, New York. He was the pianist and arranger for the Korn Kobblers, a popular 1940s novelty group billed as "America's most nonsensical dance band", but was probably best known as the composer of the song "Tell Me Why", which was a hit for The Four Aces in 1951.

Mr. Gold also arranged, conducted, and recorded for RCA Victor light orchestral "mood music" pieces utilising fully the possibilities of the newly developed Stereophonic sound, with whole sections of violins drifting between right and left speakers.

That was so special then.

  Some wisdom from the Old Fellows down in Pine Ridge.

Annnnd we're done! That was fast.

Famous last words, perhaps. See you Monday!


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