I’m in a happy limbo right now – between the early AM spaz-out type-and-yammer routine of the morning news show, and the next gig, which can’t start until certain things happen. Then: out the door in a tie with a go-cup of coffee, hurtling up Park Avenue, punching the radio buttons. Now: waving kid off to school, pouring coffee into a proper cup, then sitting down at the machinery, firing up all the streams, and blogging. Today I had four pieces, which in their totality would constitute a Bleat; you can read them here.
After work I dropped Gnat off at choir, and went grocery shopping. In the rain. The pouring rain. Never understood the Pina-Colada-Song line about liking walks in the rain – who the hell wants to walk in the rain? Warm rain, maybe. Really warm rain. If you’re naked. But otherwise it’s uncomfortable. I used an emergency umbrella, stored in the car, and pre-broken for your convenience. The bottom of the handle fell off; the top part would not click to keep the bumbershoot furled. So I walked to Target holding a pole with one hand, pushing up the brolly pole-collar – to invent words that may get this site flagged for adult content – with the other. Got inside to find someone toweling off the carts, so we can have a dry shopping experience. Thank you.
I needed shampoo. I ran out of my favorite, one of those Bath and Body Works “Aromatherapy” products that smell different than most shampoos. After half a decade of giving off a vague eucalyptus scent, as if I’m trying to get koalas to follow me home, I decided to try something else. Perhaps my hair would be fuller, and more manageable. The options are dishearteningly abundant. I’d been using a small bottle I relieved from a hotel in Denver in 2008, a Neutrogena, and I liked it just fine. But the box at Target said it’s supposed to be used once a week to supplement my regular shampoo. Lord knows what happens if you use it every day. Your hair becomes so manageable it voluntarily disbands its union. Well, there’s always Fructis, and THE SAME TO YOU, you say. It’s fruity. The bottle has an attractive hue of green. It all smells like Fanta. There was a shelf of Aussie products, which reminded me of the days when that Aussie shampoo first hit the market. It made quite an impression. No one had anything from Australia, no one ever saw anything made by Australia, and now . . . shampoo? Have they been working up to this for all these years? Well, it had to be good, because it probably had native lore behind it, somehow. A girlfriend of the moment insisted I try it. Girlfriends are always trying to get you to switch shampoos.
I didn’t buy it. I checked out the Suave – 95 cents, now with less caustic lye! – but was disappointed by the scents. They had some nice scents, but they just gave up. I ended up with Herbal Essence. Laugh if you must, because it’s pitched at women, but all I care about is a momentary olifactory interlude while I’m lathering up, and I can’t stand most of the scents that are supposedly Manly. I like a good classic Bay Rum, but most of the Manly scents are Axe-related crap that smell like someone drenched a dog in Old Spice, set him on fire, and put it out with horse hormones.
Next: planning the week’s meals. Well, Monday’s done. Tuesday Natalie eats after choir in the Youth Fellowship Room. Thursday is Fish. Friday is Pizza. That leaves the big gaping hole of Wednesday: Night at the Improv! So, tacos. No! Burritos – with a different spice mix! Yes. I was in the car and heading home before I realized I hadn’t bought any meat. How can you eat your tacos if you haven’t bought you meat? But this is America; there’s a grocery store just up the street. Parked, ran in, got a few other things. In the popcorn aisle I saw a young woman staring at the wall of popcorn options with a look of confusion and slight fear: so many! So many! I saw her pick up a box to check the nutritional information, and I wanted to slap it out of her hands: that way lies madness, little missy. Just don’t. It gives you the information for popped and unpopped, as if it’s even money which you’ll choose, and there’s no way to tell what you’ll end up eating. Go for the 100 calorie bags. At least you’ll have a benchmark. But no. I passed along, and noticed that my favorite cereal, Fiber One – “For stool as stout and firm as the shaft of a Roman Spear” – has decided it’s time to just put the smack-down on Kelloggs:
I turned around to look at the fiber bars, and WHOA IT IS ON:
Then home. Later today: Black and White World, Out of Context Ad Challenge around 10:30 or so, and BleatPlus. (I think I’m up on the memberships, but once again, send an email with the subject HEY DILLWEED if I’ve missed you.) See you around.
Pass it along, if you wish
67 Responses to Wednesday, April 7
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To all of you too tough to read the labels on food: fie on you! Yes, I read the labels.
I have to watch my sodium intake (RDA=2000mg; me=1000mg), among other things, to take care of the kidney my dear brother gave to me 18 months ago.
If any rough and tumble, Suave-sportin’ dandies wanna try and knock a box out of my hands while I’m reading it, I’m waiting for you…
I eat oatmeal for breakfast.
Remember the old Prell commercials where they would drop a pearl in the bottle to show how thick it was?
For me, anything with a coconut scent rocks – I use Suave shampoo and body wash. I don’t spend a million, I just look like I do….
FRUCTIS – And same to you! Thanks for the fact that I will now giggle every time I’m in the Shampoo aisle. The folks at Safeway already think I’m a little “off”….
Oh, and Loreal For Men. Not Axe-like.
))
@hpoulter
Even if Zombo.com didn’t have everything, it would be worth it for the Daler Mehndi tribute page.
Bonnie_:
Another reason why the ballot box is such an important piece of furniture. Vote while you still can.
Just to comment quickly on James’ Edward R Murrow Award
Two thoughts come to mind:
It’s no Silver Sow, however….
Well done James!
And well deserved!
Congratulations.
Let’s not be gloomy, Borderman & Bonnie.
Recognizing a gloomy situation with the potential to get a whole lot gloomier and advocating voting does not make me gloomy.
Does “Let’s not be gloomy,” mean you like what the government is forcing down your throat, or have I misread you?
I use the Kroger-brand version of Prell.
Umbrellas. They work so long as you are not in a downtown area where the wind changes direction depending on where you are in relation to the buildings. When I worked in downtown Detroit I wore a trenchcoat and a fedora to deal with the rain – one hand was enough to keep the hat in place and the trenchcoat would do the rest. Umbrellas were just chum for the wind off the river.
Natalie has become Gnat again? I must have missed that.
The Floyd reference was completely obvious, no? It screamed “The Wall” before I got past “How can you eat your tacos…” But then all the Star Trek references are lost on me so to each his own. As a long-haired musician type (not waist-length, Jeezum Crow) but thick and curly and bandana’ed and often imbued with drywall dust and paint (I’m a painter), I swear by Pantene. Especially the Conditioner; the only product that will allow full detangling. I’m not vain, haven’t paid for a haircut since ’83 (wife occasionally trims) but most other products, esp. VO5 and Tressemme (ooh la la) make my hair feel like I’ve just introduced Gorilla Glue. Herbal Essences works well too and I’m of the school that hair gets used to one product and needs to be given a fresh(different) wakeup call from time to time. And only buy any of these products when on sale and with a coupon.
Borderman,
As long as I have been politically aware (since the days of LBJ), one side or the other has been preaching doom and gloom–each president that comes along is accused of ruination in one way or another. Yet we always survive, don’t we? We make it to the next election, or the perhaps the one after that. I don’t want to get into the specifics of any current debate (this not being a political forum), but I believe the pendulum swings back and forth; sometimes we win, other times we lose, sometimes we compromise. That’s the strength of our democracy, and that’s why I remain optimistic.
At home we use Fructis, but I regularly stay at Marriott hotels on business trips and jealously hoard my samples of orange-ginger Aveda shampoo, conditioner and body lotion. They work well and don’t have an overpowering smell.
And if you’re ever in the mood, try the Fiber One blueberry muffin mix. They’re soooo good and each regular sized muffin is 25% of your daily fiber. I like to make them up on Sunday and freeze them. Then I can have one each day with a piece of fruit. Makes me feel less guilty when we have frozen pizza for dinner.
Joe Broderick, Thanks for the voice of reason. I was tempted to wade in and thought “what’s the point?” (Empty shelves, please…) Well said, sir.
Makes one wish for Fiber One Brand Shampoo — now with Anti-Oxidants!
Bob
Joe Broderick:
I do not share your optimism, but you’re certainly welcome to it. Which means I get to be not optimistic and disagree with you completely about the political direction the country is heading.
There are still plenty of faded bumper stickers left over from the last presidential election that urge voting for change. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, strikes me as just a little odd that you object to it, or think it’s somehow “gloomy,” a year and a half later. Remember Joe, the ballot box is such an important piece of furniture.
Borderman,
I heartily agree with you on the importance of the ballot box. And for the record, I was just as optimistic during the previous administration’s tenure as I am now. God Bless America!
Joe Broderick:
Amen to that, Brother.