Lame Bleat Day en route; best thing I wrote today was Frida’s column. No complaints – at the moment the TV is playing a COPS ep from Las Vegas featuring a guy standing barefoot on an oven-hot roof, shouting I NEED HEROIN. Almost the gold standard for how things could be if you were in Vegas on a roof with insufficient heroin and the belief the police could correct the situation.
It’s a ’97 episode; half of Las Vegas isn’t there. Reminded me of the gargantuan Century City project I saw last time I was in LV, and I wondered even then how they could fill the beast. It needed only giant 12-story letters spelling out THIS BOOM IS INSANE.
All these years, and I don’t know what half the COPS lyrics are. Not even your ice-a-man give you no break! If you can’t count on your ice-a-man, I don’t know why anyone goes into the bad-boys trade.
For a moment today there was sun. I liked it. So did the dog.
Conversation I actually had tonight:
“I’m not buying you a fugu fish eraser. You know what happens when people eat fugu incorrectly?”
“They DIE.”
“Right. And why?”
“Because it’s poison but dad it’s AN ERASER.”
“You never know.”
“It says it’s non-toxic. So there.”
Couldn’t argue with Amazon’s product specs. See, Natalie has become obsessed with tiny Japanese erasers that look like large, non-eraser things. I fully understand the attraction – the detail, the reduced size, the collectibility factor. They’re SO CUTE. She made her own wish list for her birthday, and to my surprise she did so by dragging the pictures off Amazon and importing them, along with specs and prices, into a word doc.
Hope its not too much :3 it says at the end. Awwww.
Good to see her cheerful, anyway; earlier in the day I got a call from the school. She was in the infirmary with an upset stomach, again. Second time in three weeks. Usually happens when she’s overly tired, hasn’t eaten enough or eaten too much and gone straight to recess. I told her to gut it out, but call me if it didn’t get better, and sorry about saying gut.
The nurse called back 20 minutes later: she was still unhappy. Since she is not a hypochondriac like her father, and generally sturdy, I figured the day was done. I asked the nurse if she had palpated her abdomen to see if the pain was specifically localized, and she said “well, I’m not a nurse.” Which made me think instantly of the doctor at Duff Gardens who gives Lisa the pills to counteract the effects of drinking the water in the Small World ride: Oh I’m not a doctor. It’s said with such wonderfully inappropriate arrogance that it makes me laugh a decade and a half later.
So I took her home; she ate a peanut-butter sandwich and drank a glass of milk and went up to her room and slept for two hours. Afterwards: all fine. The end result of this, however, was severe cabin fever for me, so the moment dinner was done I was OUT AND GONE.
Ah, but where to go? Well: Target, of course. (The reasons will be clear in Friday’s column.) While I was “researching” my column I noted that the chandelier for the new gazebo was on sale; asked if I could have one. I could not: out. Would they get more?
No one could say. A chill ran down my spine. The first sign of spring at Target is the appearance of the new gazebos in the seasonal aisle. Four ago I got the bright idea to build a living room outside for the summer, and bought a gazebo, an outdoor lamp, furniture, and a rug. The furniture is still with us, although it’s weathered to a grayish hue; the lamp was knocked over by wind 395 times and eventually died; the rug turned into a mold factory; the gazebo itself rotted out after three years, and was regretfully cast off. Last year I got a replacement that looked sturdy enough, but the first breeze picked it up and put it in the neighbor’s yard. A few good storms turned it into something that looked like the framework of the Hindenburg after they put out the flames.
This year? This thing is heavy. ROMAN heavy. It hasn’t arrived yet; I expect to put it up next week. But I needed the matching light fixture, so I can sit outside and read.
Did any other stores have one? He checked the PDA.
One left in the entire city. And it was close. I was off.
Outside this particular Target there’s a fire hydrant in a giant pile of rock. It looks like this.
Inside: a display for “throwback Pepsi,” which has real sugar instead of the Devil’s Ichor. Given the lousy new logos, this is just a slap in the face:
Why can’t we have that all the time? Eh?
I got the last remaining chandelier, and was off to find more – well, no. That’s Friday’s column. It’s about the flu, which I expect I will be discussing tomorrow on the Flu Dewitt show as well. And now to write the column, then sleep, then get up for NewsBreak. Lance Lawson is up at buzz.mn – Curious Lucre later, and other stuff as well.
Oh: I’d meant to mention this when I was talking about Vegas. Phoenix home prices down a mere . . . 50 percent. Glad I didn’t move two years ago? Yes. Yes, I am. Now? Talk to me when it’s 60 in June.
Pass it along, if you wish
79 Responses to Thursday, April 30
Host with the Most
All Daves are sock puppets of some guy named Guido who lives in NYC but doesn’t want people to know he is married to Dorris.
“All Daves are sock puppets of some guy named Guido who lives in NYC but doesn’t want people to know he is married to Dorris.”
Man, Wramblin’ doesn’t even know how to spell ‘Doris’. And WW’s thinking of trying to hook up with her? Razz, razz!
“A question for the class: has anyone else heard of a “Gates Rubber Ball”? My daughter lost mine and I am looking for a replacement.”
Hey “Wramblin’ Wreck” not sure where you can get a whole Gates rubber ball, but they must still make them because I can get Half-rubber balls (for playing half-rubber on the beach of course) on Tybee Island and I am almost certain they are Gates. Oh, and “go ‘jackets!”!
Daves,
Sorry for the post but it was necessary to maintain my nom de guerre as Idiot of the Day.
rbj – I do know how to spell “Dorris”. It is spelled that way on her Birth Certificate. Dorris vs. Doris. Different peoples.
And for trying to hook up with her…I think NOT!!! It would cause exceedance of my recommended daily allowance (RDA) of Guidos and that is not a good thing.
Jeff Says:
April 30th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I found, happily, Pepsi Throwback last weekend while stocking up for an afternoon at the in-laws.
Now I just have to find where I can buy it in bulk…
I’ve got to know… the sugar… is it liquid bliss? I’m looking forward to a moment of rapture here.
DaveInAz – My last name is Davey, and I frequently get called Dave. Of course, with three first names, I’ll answer to any of them.
My Father and I shared the name John. So growing up, everyone called me by my middle name, Michael or Mike. My Dad went to his grave calling me Mike. My Aunts called me Johnny.
I got to the 1st day of First Grade and found four other Michaels in the class. Then, 15 minutes late, in walks my soon to be best and life long friend Mike. The teacher looks at her student list, notes my real first name and says, “we’re going to call you John”. Being six years old, I was a bit flummoxed. John? That’s my Dad, not me. I’ve been all screwed up ever since…
hpoulter… is your name not Dave? Mind if we call you that just to keep it straight?
Nancy,
Thanks but not what I was looking for. But I appreciate your efforts anyway.
A Gates Rubber Ball was made by the Gates Rubber Corporation; a manufacturer of tires and automotive belts located in Denver Colorado. The Gates Rubber Balls were slightly smaller than a Superball and made of tire rubber. The balls had somewhat less bounce than a Superball but they were virtually indestructible. About the only way to destroy them was to burn them. They would burn for hours with stinky, oily black smoke. Gates Rubber would give them away to kids during their factory tours. I kept mine for many, many years, using it for handball in college.
Gates Rubber no longer makes tires so obviously they do not make the balls either. But I have been looking for a replacement for years ever since my daughter lost mine. Every now and then I ask in various places, forums, etc. in hopes that someone would have one for sale.
Nancy, thanks again!!
Nancy and Garden Stater —
Sing it with me!
Ai Yii Yii Yii I am the Frito Bandito
I like Frito’s Corn Chips,
I love them I do.
I want Frito’s Corn Chips,
I’ll get them from you.
Aye, yii, yii, yiiii,
Oh, I am the Frito Bandito.
Give me Frito Corn chips
And I’ll be your friend.
The Frito Bandito
You must not offend.
We almost moved to Phoenix 15 months ago. Back then you could get quite nice new construction for the dollar, plus FREE POOL! or FREE CAR! or FREE FURNITURE!
I wonder what they’re giving away now. It’d be depressing to be underwater on a mortgage after only a year, although I suppose I could drown my sorrows in my free pool.
Erasers: they do look tasty.
Housing Market article: Did you scroll through the graphs with the different cities? Phoenix and Las Vegas look like what happens to a guy’s unit in Vegas when his wife unexpectedly calls him to find out what he’s been up to.
Sugary Soda: That stuff’ill kill you too.
oh yeah, Wacky Clackers! They were banned for the same reason most toys are banned, “you’ll put your eye out”! The polymer plastic would break apart and shards of death would shower down on you and your loved ones.
Thanks for posting the Jasper pic. I have been a Jasper fan since you posted the pics of him “growing ears” as a pup, and a fan of your writing and photography for quite a while now as well. I used to live in Ellsworth, WI, and always wished I could meet the two of you to say so in person. This’ll have to do
I suspect the FREE POOL! or FREE CAR! were anything but FREE in reality.much like FREE Kittens. The FREE FURNITURE! on the other hand….hope it at least was sturdy.
Nobody’s mentioned the fugu example. Last year in Japan my wife and I had an entire meal of fugu, courtesy of her sister. I was really anxious about it, and curious, so the actual eating part was something of a letdown. It was good and really well prepared, but the taste was nothing to write home about compared to other good sushi in Japan.
And just last week I found out that it was probably farm-raised fugu, which removes entirely the risk of being poisoned.
http://www.sushifaq.com/sushi-items/sushi-items-fugu.php
Erasers: I’ve got two sealed packages of small Japanese erasers (one has ramen, the other a bento dish) on my cubical wall at work. But they were bought in Minnesota, at the Kid’sCrap store near the Ice cream shop on the west side of Lake Harriet. Or it’s Lake Calhoun. I never remember since I’m a St. Paul native
Chas C-Q Says:
April 30th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
This caught my eye: the hydrant is apparently anchoring a guywire. I don’t think I’ve seen that before.
No, that’s a thin rod, not a guywire. At the upper end of it (out of the picture frame) is a little brightly colored plastic flag. It’s there so firefighters can find the hydrant if the snow gets so deep it’s buried. You obviously have never lived any place where it snows a lot.
Ah. I forgot about the sugar angle, too: On international flights, when the drink cart comes by and I don’t feel I need any alcohol, I always ask for Coke Light. It’s just like Diet Coke, except that it’s made with cyclamates. Oops, i meant CYCLAMATES!1!!eleventy!
It’s tasty stuff, frequently the flight attendants don’t know if they have it or not because nobody outside the US is worried about cyclamates and it just seems to be the ‘default’ Diet cola elsewhere.
FYI, cyclamates apparently *doesn’t* cause cancer unless you are a force-fed rat of naturalized US citizenship. Then watch out.
EG: Move now. Phoenix will pay you to buy a house. (Almost.)
Three bedroom two bath with a pool in a master planned community: $150k tops. There’s one a block away offered at $109k.
Two lakes. Mountains. Palm trees. Cactus. Community Center with two pools and a wonderfully equipped exercise area.
Frankly, I hate the very idea of master-planned communities, but I love where I live.
Just makes me laugh . . . !
Actually, my middle name is Dave. My Mom called me that occasionally, but it never caught on.
Do I need to pick a different handle?
— Dr. Suess
@Nancy and GardenStater: the story I heard (in appropriately doom-portending tones from my mother) was that the clackers could (and had) shatter/ed and could (and had) put someone’s eye out. Therefore, they were inherently evil and should never be so much as looked at sideways.
I had one set;don’t remember how I came by them, but they were a beautiful candy-apple red with some sort of “sparklies” inside.
When properly tethered, they made an awesome 1970′s style “chandelier” for my Barbie doll houses.
Papas don’t let your babies grow up to be otaku.
Nixmom–Wow! “When properly tethered, they made an awesome 1970’s style “chandelier” for my Barbie doll houses.”
I never thought of that. That is all I ever did with Barbie–make elaborate rooms out of all the cool stuff I could find. But I never thought to do “lighting”!
Ooo-wee! Just saw the TV ad for Pepsi Throwback. That was not a pleasant experience. Although our host likes the label, I’m going to wager he’s not going to enjoy the TV ad as much. Disco, anyone?
“That fire hydrant must be the one Sauron used when taking his dog for a walk.”
HA! Thanks. I needed that.
As for you Doubting Clackers, I actually got to see a set shatter & gouge great furrows in someone. (Of course, being a kid, the casualty in question thought it was cool.) The early ones seemed more glass-like, Pyrex-y, so it could be done, especially out on the playground in January in Milwaukee. Even then, you had to get them really flyin’ & your hand-eye coordination & focus couldn’t waver a bit.
After a few of them cracked, they came out with the sparkly, resin-like ones. Not many liked them.
barberofcivil:
“Then some neandrethal single-handedly got them banned from the school by implementing them as a weapon.”
You mean, “then somebody rediscovered their original purpose”. From the Philippines.
Enjoyed the pic of Jasper enjoying the sun – gotta love those ears!
Note on the comment on the hydrant a few posts back:
What you see isn’t an anchor for a guy wire, but is one of those “springy flag things” that they attach to hydrants so they can find them when they’re buried in snow.
That pic of Jasper: that is the definition of pure contentment. Would love to know what he’s thinking behind that sly smile though.
Barbie chandeliers? Darn, wish I had thought of that.
The little erasers are adorable- makes me wonder if Rement will be the next oh-so-bannable school fad.