Just imagine the strained jokes and even more strained laughter that took place in this room. The testimonials. The bestowing of plaques. The number of men in ties who had finished the surf 'n' turf and were poking at the dessert, knowing it would be the last thing they'd get, because now it's time for the speeches. Oh God, the speeches.

Turn your chair towards the dais and light up if you got 'em. You need to hit the head, now's the time.